Moderation in all things

Or at least when it comes to body art:

Nearly 50% of Americans between 21 and 32 have at least one tattoo or a piercing other than in an ear, according to a 2006 study by the University of Chicago and Northwestern University. Men and women alike say their tattoos make them feel sexy and rebellious, a 2003 Harris Poll found, while the unadorned of both genders see body art as unsightly and think those with tattoos and piercings are less intelligent and less attractive.

I do so admire those sexy rebels who demonstrate their unique individuality by doing what everyone else is doing. Now, I don’t mind a bit of tattooing on the female torso, but I’m not keen on stuff all over the arms and legs. The absolute worst is the silly barbed wire tattoo when it’s done right over the middle of the bicep instead of between the bicep and the shoulder muscle.

As for piercing, a belly ring is attractive on a woman, but everything else just looks unattractive. You might as well just stick a plate in your lip and a bone in your nose, as far as I’m concerned. And things that stick out from your nose, eyebrow and other parts of your face just look like small malignant growths, they don’t make you look ugly so much as diseased. And stupid.

Men, unless you’re in the military or a gang, or happen to be a convicted felon or a full-contact fighter, stay away from the tattoos. There’s nothing more ridiculous than a symbolically aggressive tattoo on the body of a soft white guy who can’t make it up a flight of stairs without breathing hard and looks as if he’d wet himself if a woman spoke a harsh word to him.

All it says to the world is that while you wish you were tough, you’re too much of a pussy to actually put the effort in.