The Sports Gal may not be in the Sports Guy’s league, but she’s pretty funny in her own right. Universal Press Syndicate should just go ahead and sign their little girl to a column already:
You already know about the traffic in L.A., but now that it’s Xmas season, even parking has become impossible. Fortunately I happen to be married to a guy with the self-proclaimed “parking gene.” (Apparently this runs in the family because his dad thinks he has it, too.) Every so often, Bill stumbles upon the perfect spot — like last week, when I made him stop at Pinkberry (the greatest frozen yogurt shop ever) and he found a space right in front, then spent the next 30 seconds congratulating himself. He was so pleased. It’s too bad they can’t have the League of Dorks for finding parking spaces, I’m sure he’d be in three leagues and calling his buddy Hench every time he found a good space so they could calculate the standings….
If I’m ever found dead in a parking garage, skip the autopsy and just assume that I died of a carbon monoxide overdose or my bladder exploded while Bill was circling around looking for the perfect space.
Of course, they’re doomed.
UPDATE: Bill Simmons is very, very happy right now. I just read the following on Sports Illustrated.
Cincinnati Bengals cornerback Deltha O’Neal was charged with driving while intoxicated early Saturday morning after being stopped at a traffic checkpoint, the State Highway Patrol said…. O’Neal, a seven-year veteran, is the eighth Bengals player arrested this year on various charges.
That comes only hours after read this:Now that we have that settled — what about seven Bengals players getting arrested out of 53? That’s 13 percent of the team! Imagine if 13 percent of your office or classroom had been arrested in the past few months? Can they get to 10 before the end of the season? You figure with holiday parties coming, that’s good for one DUI. And the holidays bring visitors and family members, which usually brings trouble, so that’s good for some sort of incident at a party or a club. So we only need one more wild-card arrest — something harmless like speeding and attempting to evade an officer, or shoplifting a Christmas present of something — and then we’ll be at 10. Now that would be something. Ten Bengals arrested in one year? We’ll be telling our grandkids about that one. Keep your fingers crossed.