A game plan for victory

The Regression to the Mean wants a new plan:

THE most common cliché about the war in Iraq is now this: We didn’t have a plan, and now everything is in chaos; we didn’t have a plan, and now we can’t win.

This is entirely wrong. We did have a plan – the problem is that the plan didn’t work. And of course we can win – we just have to choose to do so.

The problem with our plan is that it wasn’t actually a military plan.

Please. I’ve been mocking the plan for literally years now. We had a plan, it was the neocons’ neo-Wilsonian World Democratic Revolution, which has managed to put Hamas into power and give a serious boost to Hezbollah and the Islamic Jihad, all three of which are popular movements which the most brain-dead strategist would expect to do well in any quasi-democratic environment.

The point that Podhoretz, the neocons and many Three Monkey Republicans and well-intentioned warbloggers all can’t seem to get through their heads is that simply repeating mindless mantras such as “we are at war” and “withdrawal is not an option” and “we just have to choose to do so” is not tantamount to convincing anyone of anything. If you find this a difficult concept, I recommend you try inserting yourself into the next woman you encounter on the street and telling her that “withdrawal is not an option”.

No doubt she’ll find that “argument” about as persuasive as the Shiite militias and the American public do.

Podhoretz is technically correct. We can win the occupation by utilizing either the British or Roman military method. Of course, this means we’d either have to kill and enslave many millions of Arabs, or alternatively, find hundreds of thousands of colonists to move into new villas built at US expense along the Tigris and Euphrates rivers.

Actually, there is a method of killing two birds with one stone and it would likely work better than anything else on the cards. Round up the 12-15 million illegal aliens currently invading America and settle them all in Iraq. Set up a free trade zone between this new protectorate and the USA. The immigrant-colonists get the benefit of the American rule they are seeking plus jobs in the oil industry as well as jobs providing food, clothing and sex to those working in the oil industry, Americans get rid of the crime and cultural problems they bring as well as the pressure on wage rates, the immigrant-colonists become the focus of Arab ire ala the Israelis thus keeping the hot zone well away from New York and Washington DC, and eventually the culture of the Middle East is gradually transformed rather than that of America.

Of course, this is totally impossible as it would require both Caesarian genius and a Roman degree of ruthlessness in order to implement it, but it does have the advantage of being both theoretically feasible as well as fully respectful of American rights. Naturally, anyone who seriously calls for this would be regarded as a complete lunatic.

Much better to stick with meaningless platitudes better suited for college football and fake wrestling while American rights and culture fade into the ashes of history.

We are at war! We can win if we choose! Win one for the Gipper!