Bill Simmons paraphrases a long list of complaints:
She hates that I play Madden on the treadmill and that I honestly care about my team’s record and stats. Last week, she happened to be watching when one of my guys intercepted a pass and streaked down the sideline for a sure TD, until I made him run out of bounds at the 2. When she asked why, I casually explained, “I’m trying to break the touchdown record with Dillon.” I can’t begin to tell you how much she hated that.
Space Bunny, on the other hand, not only buys me Maddens for my birthday every year, but on the rare occasion when she accidentally buys one for the wrong system, has been known to apologize profusely and go out and get the correct one herself. She’s even been heard to say: “hey, you haven’t been playing much PlayStation lately, what’s the matter?” and she schedules her outings with her friends at the same time as Champions League or NFL games since she knows I’m staying home anyhow.
Now, she’s not perfect. I’m convinced that she only supports Manchester United in order to annoy me – although she’s never taken it so far as to pull for Juve against Milan – she is biologically incapable of remaining awake during a third quarter regardless of what time of day it might be and she still mocks me cruelly for that time that Maddens 2003 fired me from my gig coaching the Kansas City Chiefs.
“You got what? Fired? By your game? [peals of laughter] So, now do you have to sit and watch it play by itself”
But she’s a good sport about fantasy football, is genuinely pleased when her Wallabies, (managed by Big Chilly’s little brother), do well and even nods and pretends to be saddened by the injustice of Mike Martz goes for it on fourth-and-ten instead of doing what every sane coach in the league would do and kicking the doggone field goal simply because Chokechain has Bulger and I’ve got Wilkins.
Of course, the fact that she’s slender, blonde and really smoking hot doesn’t hurt either. Now if I can just convince her to buy that Dallas Cowboys cheerleader outfit….