Six things to teach your son

It’s clear that all too many fathers have failed to pass on a masculine ethic to their sons. The “greatest generation” might not have been afraid of German and Japanese troops, but they were afraid of their wives and daughters. And while it’s not possible to boil down the age-old question of what makes a man to a few simple paragraphs, there are a few things every man should attempt to impart to his son:

1. When you have to do something to the car in inclement weather, you must always get out of the car with the driver. Even if your assistance is not needed, and especially if it’s freezing cold. No one knows why this is necessary, but it is nevertheless.

2. Never threaten and then fail to follow through. Even if you end up getting your butt kicked, it will be a salutary lesson to watch your mouth in the future. Bluffing is for poker, not the real world.

3. Even if you don’t like football, baseball or basketball, know the teams and a few relevant facts about each. If you do, you will always have something to talk about with other men while the girls are chatting.

4. Know how to throw a ball, shoot a gun, change a tire and throw a punch. This will allow you to avoid 75 percent of all humiliating circumstances.

5. Learn how to leave a room in anger without stomping. It just looks stupid.

6. Ask for permission once. If the answer is no and you’re going to do it anyway, just keep your mouth shut and do it.