My favorite dogs

In no particular order:

The Beagle – Aren’t I cute? Aren’t I cute? Hey, look at me! Hey, what’cha doing? Will I ever shut up? Sure, sure, whenever you want! Oh, you mean, like, now?

The Viszla – Can you even believe how good-looking I am? Once, I thought I saw a better-looking dog, but then I realized I was walking past a mirror. Do a trick? Sure, no problem, um, what’s a trick?

The Ridgeback – i’m just a baby, i’m just a teeny, tiny 95-pound little girl, please be nice to me *strange car passes by* DEMONS WILL GNAW UPON THE SPLINTERED SHARDS OF YOUR BONES! COME BACK HERE AND I’LL CRACK YOUR SKULL LIKE A [Oedipal gerund] CRYSTAL CHANDELIER HITTING A MACK TRUCK! *car disappears* i’m just a little girl, give me a treat, pretty please? look how cute i am.

The Malamute – Yeah, yeah, I know, everyone says I look like a wolf. Whatever, it’s all good, we’re all mellow here, it’s cool. Sure, I could rip your leg off if I got a little hungry, but we’re all friends here, right? You gonna eat that? Yeah, I didn’t think so. *gulp*

The Bulldog – umph, grunt, *snort* Whas’sup? Not you? Umph, not me either. Let’s take a nap.