More tales of the White Buffalo

I was thinking about how the various talking heads all have their little media schtick and what mine would be. I was debating the various merits of narcolepsy vs Tourette’s Syndrome, which had the effect of reminding me of one of the most debilitating impressions I have ever seen in my life.

We were at the Digital Ghetto, playing NBA Live on the Playstation upstairs on the rattiest old yellow couch you can possibly imagine. The White Buffalo had the Denver Nuggets, for some reason that I can’t possibly explain, and I was up by six points or so when he passed the ball to his guard, Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf.

I made the mistake of saying “hey, isn’t he the guy with Tourette’s?” The WB simply nodded and knocked down a two-pointer. However, the next time Abdul-Rauf touched the ball, he barked this explosive obscenity combined with an spastic jerk of his head and an immediate launch of the basketball. I started cracking up, and every time I’d get it under control, he’d pass the ball to Abdul-Rauf again, who was knocking down threes even as his Tourette’s was getting increasingly out of hand.

By the end of the game, I was collapsed on the couch, laughing helplessly, as the White Buffalo was swearing up a storm and driving Mahmoud in for uncontested layups. Needless to say, I got crushed.

I wonder if the folks at Unity would find this story endearing? Okay, probably not. Maybe I’ll just make a practice of telling the host I’m not wearing any underwear. That went over pretty well at the party the Perfect Aryan Male’s law firm held to welcome him to the firm… but that’s a story for another time.