Men, women and the art of attraction

Eugene Volokh writes: Women think a lot — much more than men — about how they can become more attractive, and are willing to do a lot to try to become more attractive. Don’t know what to do about that, but there it is.

I agree that women think a lot more about it, but I’m not entirely sure that they actually do any more about it. One problem that I see with both men and women is that both sides seem to spend almost zero time thinking about what appeals to the other sex.

A few months ago, I was talking to two different single 30-something women. Both are well-educated and have good jobs, (one is an architect, the other is a mid-level manager at a glamorous company in NYC), both are flat-chested and have short hair but are otherwise attractive, and both have trouble getting dates. And both were astounded and distressed to hear me say that not five men in one hundred cared about either their education or their jobs.

Now, what is interesting to me is how women know that men love long hair and large breasts – you seldom see a stripper or a porn star without them – and yet few women will seriously consider the first option, still less the latter. Now, no woman should go in for elective surgery unless she really wants to upsize on the topside, but it amazes me how these dateless wonders will sneer at the “tacky stripper hair” of the girl that every man on the street is trying, and failing, to avoid noticing. As I told both women, if you want more attention from men, grow your hair and get a boob job. If you don’t want to do the latter, I completely understand. But at least grow your hair out.

By the same token, I don’t understand how many guys will continue to act like delicate china tea saucers when they’ve been witnessing their bold and brash counterparts date more women in six weeks than these shrinking violets have in six years. Or fail to shave and put on a decent outfit – be it cowpoke gear or Armani, depending on your surroundings – instead of going with the I’m-out-of-college-but-you’d-never-know-it-to-look-at-me look.

I conclude that many of both sexes are simply lazy. As one of Volokh’s contributers said, we want sexy to be us instead of doing what the evidence suggests works. On that note, I take my leave, as it suddenly occurs to me that I am in rather dire need of a shower.