The White Buffalo on Title IX football pools

While I appreciate your vigor and enthusiasm for the exceptional performance of the female members of this pool, especially Michelle my respected friend and co-worker, I find your e-mail demeaning and harassing, This is exactly the type of behavior that spawned the Salem Witch Trials, the Sacco and Vanzetti debacle, and the Wendy’s “Where’s the Beef” advertising campaign. Treating men as if they have no feelings or emotions relegates them to couch-sitting, beer guzzling, sports-watching, poor-fantasy-football-picking oafs. And while it may be completely and utterly applicable here, it doesn’t matter. This is America. The fact that the men in this pool are poorer at picking football game outcomes does not make the women better. It clearly makes the men victims. In this country, our utter lack of skill and applied talent does not make us less talented, it makes us worthy of special consideration and legal protection. I propose some sort of Fantasy Football Title IX treatment. I propose that if 50% of the top 5 winners (yeah, I know its 2.5 people, but some of the guys in the pool aren’t that tall) are not men than no-one gets to participate in this league. At the very least, we should eliminate some of the women who are in the league to make sure men have an equal chance. Anything else would be ridiculous, and to reject my idea would make one a sexist pig.

The WB is legendary in our fantasy football league for his insane approach to evaluating football talent – winner of the worst #1 pick ever award – and he’s in third place in a 30+ man (and woman) NFL pool. No wonder the women are winning.